A dog’s tail …

by Mike Isle

So much fer a silva screen

“It’s sucha lode of cobblers Dog, it wood be funny ifit wasint so serious.”

Gidday readas ana happy new years to all. That wasa Boss saying sumrhin’ about cobblers, so I give his gerfrend Sharlene a look, an’ she sed “He meens that if sumthin’ is cobblers, it’s a bit stupid and rubbish, Billy.” So she asked Boss wot he wuz on about.

“That blimmin Air New Zilland,” he sed. I new Boss had been ter Wullingtin just before Krissmiss for a wee holiday ter see sum mates, ona errorplane

“Ya get ona plane an’ then this silly video comes on, with some weird music wot ya can’t unnerstan’,” Boss sed.

“An’ a whole bunch of kids ona screen starts jumpin up an down and yellin’ sumthin’ about bein’ a kiwi. Then there’re people unner haredriers, dancin’ aroud a laundromat, and then runnin’ ona beech and going surfin’. I saw a pitcha of a seatbelt, ana oxygin mask, but ya coodint here wot was being sed.”

Well readas, Sharlene wint ter he komputa an looked it up, an come out shakin her head. “I see wot you mean Deah. Blimmin hard ter follow for me, but wunder wot yore old Mum would make of it. An’ it was hard enuff for me, wot about sum tourist commin’ to Kiwi. They woodint hava clue wot was goin’ on. Saftey messij. It’s bluddy gobbledegook.”

Goodniss then readas. Cobblers and Gobblegook!! Wot Next? Then Sharlene wint on.

“Yerd think that making a safety messige ona plane wood be sure and clear and to tha point. That

Air New Zilland should stick to its nitting and just fly planes with clear safey messijis for peeple.

Wot are they tryin’ ter getin the music video businiss for?”

Then Sharlene lookt at her komputa screen and sed that lots of peeple agreed with Boss. She red in her skootecha voice: “Cringe video. Safety message is lost in translation. Rapping in the song hard for people to understand, especially if English isn’t their first language.”

“Well there ya go,” sed Boss. “An wile we ona subject of advertisin’, wotta about the TV rubbish.

Buy one, get won free. Stocks are limitid, buy now before we run out. Yeah, rite, they bin doing that for yeers an’ avint run out yet.”

“Yep,” sed Sharlene. Rememba that pain pensil thingy ya got. Duzzint work eh. Tha advert bosses banned it ona TV. Guess wot. It’s still ona TV. So that so-called safety video is tarred with the same brush as TV blurbs. It’s all trivial.” Trivial? Now there’s anuther word.

Tell yer wot readas, all too much fuss about fer me in this heet. I’m aff ter check the stock ana water ina dam. Take a swim. Back ter reality.

See Ya! Billy